Domestic Violence is Everywhere

Domestic violence is

Domestic violence is broader and more common than many of us may realize

Domestic violence affects a huge number of people, and it shows up in many different ways. To end domestic violence, we first have to understand what it is.

A wide range of controlling and abusive behaviors

What

A middle aged black woman puts her arm around a younger black woman as they sit on a bed in front of a window, seen from behind.

Domestic violence can be:

Might look like:

Calling a partner names – Saying a partner never does anything right • Mocking a partner's appearance or abilities • Gaslighting a partner • Undermining a partner’s confidence

Might look like:

• Slapping or hitting a partner • Choking or strangling a partner • Driving recklessly with a partner • Threatening physical abuse, whether or not it actually happens

Might look like:

• Taking out loans in a partner’s name without their knowledge • Giving a partner an "allowance" • Taking away a paycheck • Damaging a partner’s property • Threatening a partner’s employment

Might look like:

• Tracking a partner using a cellphone, camera, or other device • Requiring a partner share their passwords • Reading a partner’s private communications without their knowledge or against their wishes

Might look like:

• Forcing or pressuring a partner to commit sexual acts they aren’t comfortable with • Requiring a partner to share explicit photographs or videos • Sharing explicit imagery of a partner without their permission

Might look like:

• Threatening to call the police or child protective services on a partner • Getting a partner evicted from their home • Threatening to call immigration on a partner, or getting them deported

Might look like:

• Making a partner feel they need permission to get health care • Demanding a partner undergo certain medical procedures • Sabotaging birth control or forcing a partner to use it

Might look like:

• Keeping a partner isolated from family and friends • Preventing a partner from leaving the home • Taking away a partner’s house keys, car keys, cellphone, etc.

How to talk about domestic violence

When we talk about domestic violence, we can do it without forcing survivors to relive their trauma:

Assume that someone in the conversation has had this experience, even if you don’t know it.
Limit graphic descriptions of abuse—they can be profoundly upsetting to survivors. Only describe or show images of abuse when necessary.
If someone reveals they've experienced domestic violence, don’t ask for more details about the abuse. Offer judgment-free support, and let people share on their own terms and in their own time.

Incredibly common

Who

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1 in 2 Californians are affected

58% of us are survivors, have caused harm, or have a close friend or family member who has experienced domestic violence.

Chances are, you or someone you know has experienced or will experience domestic violence.

⅓ California women

¼ California men

½ transgender people nationwide

Because of racism, and gender and economic inequities, the impacts of domestic violence are even greater in communities of color.

Share

The more we share what we learn about domestic violence, the closer we get to solving it.

www.letsenddv.org

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Reinforced by society

How

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We see dominance and violence as normal

Domestic violence may seem like a problem between individuals. But, the more a society accepts violence and sexism, the more domestic violence rates go up. What we collectively believe to be "normal" shapes the real world around us.

Learn about the root causes

Domestic violence has deep roots in the structures and history of our society. Learning about these root causes—racism, gender inequity and economic inequity—can help us understand the complex issue of domestic violence more fully.

Healing is prevention for future generations

1 in 5

1 in 5 children in the United States witness physical domestic violence by the time they are 17

Not inevitable

Why

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Domestic violence isn’t something we’re born with

At some point in our lives, we learn to use violence in relationships, but it doesn't have to be that way. Domestic violence isn’t a character trait, it’s a learned behavior—and it can be unlearned through healing work.

Reflect on your experience

How do you think relationships are supposed to work? What ideas do you have about how people of different genders should behave? Exploring our beliefs and where we’ve learned them is the first step in changing unhealthy patterns. Everyone has room to grow. What do you need in order to become healthier in your relationships?

57%

of Californians feel that our culture pressures men to dominate and be in charge of others

Domestic violence is

healable